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PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 1:46 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jun 20, 2014 7:20 pm
Posts: 131
Finally got some free time and read this story in one sitting, what I like was the characters were very familiar and the story lines were excellent. Now for some negatives, in my humble opinion, could be a little less stilted, meaning sometimes there is a disrupted flow in saying what you want. Also you have the characters overly polite, that being said I can not wait for your next chapter.

rit57

Rick


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PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2018 6:27 am 
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Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 5:39 am
Posts: 438
Location: The Planet Terra
Thank you so much for taking the time to give me your thoughts - yes I must admit I did probably make the characters a little over polite but was once advised they were a little too confrontational so maybe I’ve gone a bit too far the other way.
I guess I’m trying to make it readable to some of our younger members (and the sisters) but I guess in a fight for survival there would be a bit more tension, this is something I’ll need to address.

As for making it flow better I hope this will improve as I go but guess it comes from not having someone to proof read it for me I’ll try and address this too.

Your feedback is very much appreciated Rick, all the best Ivan


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